Accountability, Self-Awareness, Crucial Convos — dissertation commentary
Accountability, Self-Awareness, and Crucial Conversations are the key to being an ethical leader…which is basically being a good leader…as one participant commented.
None of those concepts are static. You are not suddenly accountable for all things with firm and unchanging social contracts, or is anyone entirely self-aware with no further reflection needed, nor has a leader ever had all needed hard conversations, job done. Each of these concepts have to be continually practiced, learned, negotiated, and challenged. Each leader will fail at some part of this, whether in a dilemma about to whom they need to be accountable, in receipt feedback about something they do that negatively impacts the team, or fail to prepare for the emotional reaction in a hard conversation.
The ever changing environment can be overwhelming. The lack of static leadership skills seems daunting. But, holding these three concepts, accountability, self-awareness, and crucial conversations can give a nudge to indicate what a leader may grappling with at any given dilemma and where to put their attention.
Do I need to be accountable to the customer right now? Or to my subordinate? How can I be accountable to both? What conversations do I need to have to do this?
Am I being accountable in my family life and role? Or am I being over accountable to my work? How can I adjust? How can I learn to sense for myself when I am out of balance? What feedback might tell me I’m out of balance?
Accountability, Self-Awareness, and Conversations are more than just leadership concepts, they are really concepts key in all relationships, whether business, family, or romantic.
When is a parent accountable for providing consequences to socialize norms? It follows a similar logic of when a leader needs to do the same to standardize behavior among a team or in an organization. We would love to all just be rewarded for good behavior, but the reality is that consequences also shape us.
How do you open yourself up to feedback from your subordinates and your romantic partner? What do those conversations look like? How do you listen, ask questions, and adjust, instead of taking feedback as a critique of your capabilities or your character? What is your relationship to your own blindspots?
In being accountable to yourself and as a leader, what are your zero-tolerance behaviors? How many chances do people get? How do you create a relationship where you can sense who may flourish with one more chance and who might be inclined burn you and your patience? Which biases do you have and how do you check them when you have a sense or gut feeling? Who do you lean on to get their perspective in a difficult decisions? Who do you call on to help you emotionally regulate when you’re getting beyond self-regulation in your passion?
Accountability, Self-Awareness, and Conversations aren’t things people learn in a vacuum. While times for reflection help, they aren’t learned on a two week silent retreat in the desert. All of these involve interactions, quick reflections, curiosity, and getting perspective from others. They can be brought to the forefront in training, but then it’s up to the person to examine how and where these concepts hit in their unique world and relationships.
Not every conflict is a threat. Not every critique from a bad place. Leadership and relationships this this age are a regular negotiation. Sometimes standing firm, sometimes softening, sometimes asking for support and re-negotiating your own views.