2023 — What a Year. Writing Warm Up

I feel very scholarly by 10pm at night, but I’m working on getting there a little sooner in the day, so hence, the writing warm up that is the following.

Yesterday, on a break from my academic pursuits, I clicked to look back on the Instagram posts I had been tagged in by other people. I could innocently explain that I had forgotten about that feature and wanted to look at the photos, but honestly, I was looking to see how access and view the aggregation of the comments I posted, after leaving a comment on a public account and feeling potentially exposed. I guess I’m just a nervous millennial who spent a a good amount of time under the Hatch Act. Despite my book and the promotion involved in that, which also made me nervous, I remain terrified to be on the record…even in an innocent supportive comment on a non-political post.

Anyway, as I was looking up who could see all my comments and how to view an aggregate of someone’s comments, I clicked the wrong icon and saw the posts my friends had tagged me in throughout the year. One of the first photos was a comedy show January 20th, 2023 and one of the last photos was a comedy show December 2nd, a week ago. There was a strong scattering of community meditation sessions and beach days with friends inbetween.

All I could think as I looked through the posts from the year was, “What an amazing freaking year.” I’m so grateful for this year and the loving people in it. 2023 was a year of deepening connections, leaning on others, and growing my capacity to support. Through the year, I reflected on how much others have supported me and saw the benefit of shedding my own confusion or drama that sometimes prevented me from reciprocating. The year included lessons in being accountable to myself, putting my momentum into action, and entering the room like I belonged there. The eventual joy and lessons came through peer coaching session, Korean Spa lunch dates with a friend, card game evenings with the neighbors, time up in the air on the plane and down in the salt water lake of Athens, and standing back up for myself when my feelings, concerns, or needs were bulldozed.

Beyond the feelings and internal growth, I have stats. I have mad stats about this year, I could make a table, if this were more than a warm up writing exercise.

• Coordinated with a local venue and hosted 5+ open mics for our ASAP community. Facilitating how many hours of comedy? Got people on the mic and listening, processing, feeling proud and joyful.
• Taught how many hours of comedy….around 30 hours…maybe more? Facilitating hard conversations, gently probing to think deeper about content, brainstorming, and coaching as well as learning, reflecting, and reconsidering.
• Developed my own comedy workshop for leadership development and ran a successful pilot.
• Signed a contract lending my book rights to a writer/producer’s project to create a pilot for a TV series.
• Three conference presentations and one still pending. Athens, Greece… Colorado Springs…Boston, Mass….Copenhagen, Denmark. Welcomed into the Emerging Scholar program. One published journal article.
• Connected with numerous scholars and welcomed their advice on my research, purchased probably a dozen recommended books and downloaded countless articles. Also had a bottomless wine dinner with a round table of 8 of my peer researchers full of reality talks, mutual support, and laughter.
• Interviewed 10 former CIA leaders and listened to countless stories and perspectives on ethics, behavior, and contemplation on the “right thing” to do. Wrote 100+ pages of my dissertation.
• Completed a year-long coaching certificate and reached over 70 coaching hours.
• Hours that must add up to DAYS of great conversations with good friends, making sense of our life experiences and the state of the world. Balancing our anger and sadness, focusing on all the good stuff, and potential we have in ourselves.
• Ireland hiking in 8 or more inches of rain.
• 16+ hours of one-on-one boxing lessons, countless hours of other sessions on the bag. Finding a sport (thanks to a friend) that doesn’t further wreck my back injury and requires all my focus, plus is basically an hour of breath work.
• First paid key note speech!
• Sufficient coffee shop writing hours for the barista to know my order.

In the theme of accountability, there were plenty of things I could done have better. Next year, I will continue to walk away sooner rather than later from situations and people that cause unhealthy discomfort — from relationships to potential work places. I will ask questions boldly and firmly, give one chance, and move on if they go unaddressed. I will go forward holding space for others’ pain, but not hold myself responsible for caring for it or letting it into my life. I will understand there is a lot of hurt and pain in the world, a lot of hard childhoods and wounds that go untended. I will soften my anger so that I don’t add to the resentful fires that are blazing in some people’s lives. I won’t let others’ anger and discomfort be mine. I’ll continue to seek support and perspective from others when things are beyond my own regulation and sense making. I am so grateful for whatever has given me the ability to reach out and access to people at those high levels of support and care. I’ll maintain a healthy and confident independence l, unaffected by others wishes, and work towards my family plans. Also, I’ll respond quicker to emails and keep a good structure to my day.

With all the joy and success in 2023, there is so much more work to do. My dissertation is pending completion and this is where the hard part gets harder. Engaging in the big thinking to tie it all together, the solid introduction that lays out my argument, the small details, like alphabetical reference lists and proper formatting, that I put off until the very end.

• Dissertation + editing for ethical leadership book
• Standup Comedy for Leadership Development Workshop — continue to professionalize
• 2024 conference submissions
• New comedy -> short stories -> book
• Getting to 100 coaching hours
• Job plans
• Family reunion, niece and nephew time, my own family plans

2023 was a year of building momentum in joyful pursuit of passion projects that might also support future employment, that momentum that I felt in 2019 after my trip to Taiwan, which was sidetracked by world circumstances and my own distractions. It was about letting the dust settle so that the path was more clear and enjoyable, so that people could be seen for who they were. December and January will still bring a lot of inward attention and demand hard work and focus, but a brief pause for general reflection and gratitude are helpful in remembering what has been done so far and what’s possible in the future.